In Defense of Not Liking Things

Friends, there are some things the world simply expects us to like. 

Off the top of my head: strawberries, french fries, pizza, the Beatles, the Harry Potter books, the original Star Wars trilogy, the first Indiana Jones movie, rock n roll, watching TV, alcohol, the Harry Potter movies, God, sex, cake, and democracy.

Specifics vary from place to place, of course. The above is with America in mind, and is only a fragment of a much longer list. The whole thing would probably be mind-bogglingly long. It's just also, by definition, hard to notice. 

For example, I like strawberries, 99% of the people I know like strawberries, and so after a while the brain just categorizes it as objective fact: strawberries are delicious. End of story. So then, at the age of like 20, when you meet your first person who doesn't like strawberries, there's a natural tendency to lose your shit. Strawberries, man. Who doesn't like strawberries?

However.

Please bear in mind: this strawberry hater lives in the same world as you. Assuming they're not a tiny child, they have been subjected to strawberries multiple times. 

For years they've heard impassioned pleas in favor of the berry. They are familiar with every imaginable version of "But it's the best fruit ever, what's wrong with you!!!", and then some. They have been fed, mostly against their will, countless jams, smoothies, and tarts, always with the assurance that this, this is the dish that will change everything, that will show them the error of their ways. They have been made to explain, and apologize for, their opinion many, many, many times.

If someone is an adult, and they know they dislike strawberries, rest assured, dear reader, they know they dislike strawberries. They are probably tired of arguing about fruit all the time. Show them some respect.

(Disclaimer: I love strawberries! This is a thought experiment.)

There is one correct response to "I don't like strawberries." One response, and only one, in the entirety of the English language, and that is to look the person straight in the eye, smile, shrug, and say "okay." (The eye contact part is negotiable if you're driving, or defusing a nuclear warhead, but you get the idea.) 

Okay.

Moving on.

Full disclosure: I am a giant hypocrite. I abuse the "how could you possibly not like X???" sentence structure all the freaking time. A big part of what inspired this post is that it's something I've wrestled with for years. 

For one thing, I enjoy cooking for large groups of people, and I like making people happy. Given that my friends have a range of dietary restrictions (I myself am vegetarian, and also no stranger to the exciting world of food allergies), it can be tough to satisfy everyone. So on top of all that, if a friend admits to hating, say, garlic, my first instinct is always going to be to start banging my head on the kitchen counter. Sorry.

For another thing, I'm a pretty big nerd. And broadly speaking, nerds are THE WORST at letting people dislike in peace. Because in addition to enthusiasm about the miracle of human consciousness, a crucial part of nerddom is getting way too invested in something.  

I have feelings about the Harry Potter universe, okay. Hell, I have feelings about Crabbe and Goyle. A lot of them. So to me, when someone says, "I don't like Harry Potter that much," my brain hears, "You know what I hate? Little twelve-year-old Jess, and everything that made her life bearable and got her through middle school." 

There's always the temptation to define ourselves by the litany what we do and don't like, and to plop that near the center of our identities. But that's nonsense. We've all met people with tastes similar to ours who still manage to be tremendous jerks. And we've all met amazing people whose media preferences we find inexplicable. 

At the end of the day, people can't help their feelings about strawberries, any more than I can help my feelings about minor Harry Potter antagonists. Hearts aren't logical. Hearts can't be reasoned with. People who don't enjoy stuff beloved by the rest of the world aren't trying to be annoying or contrary, and they already know it's an unpopular opinion. You are never going to change their mind by shouting at them, making them feel shitty, or repeatedly bashing your head on a hard surface. Trust me.

Just accept that the world is a strange, varied, and beautiful place and move on.

I realize this may all sound astoundingly obvious. It's just something I think about from time to time, something I try to stay aware of, as practice for the distant but inevitable day a close friend will turn to me and say, "Man, you know what I've just never seen the appeal of? Parks and Recreation, public radio, Neko Case's voice, pancakes, musicals, the Daily Show, David Sedaris, or Firefly. Or garlic."

To which I, god willing, will say, "Okay."

FIRST CAVEAT:

I'd like to think the exception is when someone dismisses an entire genre.

For example, when if you say you don't like The Decemberists, I can kind of shrug it off. What, you mean you wouldn't recreationally listen to a nasal-voiced man sing a bunch of vocabulary words about guttersnipes dying of tuberculosis? That kind of thing is 100% my cup of tea, but I get it. However, when people say they don't like rap, my first thought is, "You probably haven't heard a wide range of hip hop." 

Because it is totally possible to grow into adulthood only being exposed to a very particular type of rap. I thought I hated rap for years! I was wrong.

SECOND CAVEAT:

I was going to write something about how to gracefully not like things, but the perfect such guide already exists.

THIRD CAVEAT:

I am far more opinionated than I tend to admit. Please take all of the above with a grain of salt. Or, you know, the seasoning of your choice.